Acts of the Clerics[]
One of the Holy Books, this is a True History of the Order of the Holy Contradiction (or at least the parts that we decided to keep), according to ucim of xkcd, the Pope of the Order of the Holy Contradiction.
SPECIAL NOTE TO TIME TRAVELLERS: The link targets are on the One True Thread, and thus may lead you to spoilers if you have not yet reached that NewPage. The NP of the post is noted in the table for your safety. Those NP numbers may not be stable, as posts can get deleted and firstposts can get unhidden, changing the (forum) page layout, but they should be within +/- 1 NP, which is close enough.
SPECIAL NOTE TO THOSE FROM THE OUTSIDE: These Sacred Texts are meant to be read in the context of the One True Thread and the One True Comic, without which they will make little sense. At the very least, you should follow along with one of the Holy Gospels to provide context and allow enlightenment to dawn. And of course, always remember the First Commandment: "Wait for it".
SPECIAL NOTE REGARDING THE MIRROR (and the nonfunctioning original links): Since the original xkcd forums are gone, only the mirror remains. And as there is no search function on the OTT mirror, there is no mirror link to retrieve all chapters as a search result (see below). So you will need to use the (mirror) links to retrieve these Holy Texts, each separately. The original OTT links remain for their archeological value.
Link to chapter | NP of chapter | Chapter title |
---|---|---|
Prologue the First (Mirror) | 454 | The newly created Pope of the Order of the Holy Contradiction grants BlitzGirl a private audience, blessing her as BlitzGirl the First, and consecrating her Gospel. |
Prologue the Next: BlitzGirl's wisdom (Mirror) | 454 | BlitzGirl's words of wisdom to the Pope; words that should be remembered for all Time, and for all of time. |
All the following chapters | This link would have returned all of the following chapters as one xkcd search result, if the xkcd forums were still operational. But they are not. So you will need to use the (mirror) links to retrieve these Holy Texts separately. The original OTT links remain for their archeological value. The Prologue and BlitzGirl's wisdom, above, will also need to be retrieved separately, as well as the Illustrations (such as those for Act 3). That was always the case. | |
Act 1 scene 1 (Mirror) | 539 | The First BlitzGirl the Next ceremony, celebrating Selcouth and PhoenixRising. |
Scene 2 (Mirror) | 600 | Flado becomes the next BlitzGirl the Next. The first cleric receives enlightenment. |
Chapter 3 (Mirror) | 609 | The first cleric becomes First Cleric |
Act 1, scene 4 (Mirror) | 626 | The Crisis of Vytron, and the Pilgrim Service |
Scene 5 (Mirror) | 643 | Lost: edfel becomes the Holy Catographer |
Chapter 6 (Mirror) | 672 |
The Unthinkable |
Scene 7 (Mirror) | 699 |
Signpost |
Chapter 8 (Mirror) | 751 | Vytron's cannonization as a BlitzGirl the Next |
Act 1, scene 9 (Mirror) | 762 | The First Cleric attempts a canonization |
Chapter 10 (Mirror) | 782 | The Pope and second scribe return to the Castle. |
Scene 11 (Mirror) | 805 | The BlitzRocket |
Act 1, scene 12 (Mirror) | 862 | The arrival of taixzo, the Pope meets CasCat. (Note - also includes the last part of Act 1, scene 11) |
Chapter 13 (Mirror) | 902 | The cannonization of CasCat and taixzo, each as BlitzGirl the Next, and also each as BlitzGirl the Fast. The red button. |
Scene 14 (Mirror) | 966 | The Pope and the BlitzRocket controls. Attack of the keyboards. |
Act 1, scene 15 (Mirror) | 1017 | BlitzGirl and the Knights Temporal prepare for war. Song: Onward! |
Scene 16 (Mirror) | 1063 | Rescuing the Pope from the BlitzRocket |
Chapter 17 (Mirror) | 1089 | The long night. The end of innocence. |
Scene 18 (Mirror) | 1135 | The cannonization of tman2nd as BlitzGirl the Next, remembering Neil_Boekend |
Act 2, scene 1 (Mirror) | 1195 | Run! |
Scene 20 (Mirror) | 1292 | Holy Moly Water! |
Chapter 21 (Mirror) | 1315 | Splashdown |
Scene 22 (Mirror) | 1332 | Rescue |
XXIII (Mirror) | 1346 | Convoy of the clerecy and the foreign couple. |
Act 2, scene 6 (Mirror) | 1366 | Reunion, and the cannonization of thirds as BlitzGirl the Next |
Chapter 25 (Mirror) | 1387 | The Holy Arrow of Armageddon |
RELATED Illustration by BlitzGirl in this post (Mirror) RELATED illustration (Mirror), by mrob27, in this post (Mirror) from NP 1804 (spoiler-free for NP1426 or later). |
1411 | A Great Miracle Occurred Here |
Transcript # 27 (Mirror) | 1449 | The Consecration of the new Holy Grounds of the Church |
Chapter 28 (Mirror) | 1483 | Born again |
Act 2, scene 11 (Mirror) | 1500 | Dawn of a New Age: welcome of the Raft People, cannonization of TheMinim as BlitzGirl the Next and of RobIrr as BlitzGirl the Primordial, yappobiscuts becomes the Mighty Troubadour. |
Act 3, scene 1 (Mirror) illustrated by the Hot Diggety himself (Mirror) |
1573 |
Building the cathedral: Eternal Density becomes Hot Diggety |
Chapter 31 (Mirror) | 1631 | Recovering the Holy Arrow, 503 |
Chapter 32 (Mirror) | 1675 | The Outside |
Scene 33 (Mirror) | 1700 | The rescue of First Cleric, and the Canonization of MistyCat as BlitzGirl the Next |
illustrated here (Mirror) and also here (Mirror) by balthasar_s |
1714 | The Holy Expedition of balthasar_s |
Illustrated here (Mirror) (in this post (Mirror)), here (Mirror), in this post (Mirror) , and here (Mirror) in this post (Mirror) (all by balthasar_s) |
1791 | The phone call |
Chapter 36 (Mirror) | 1824 | The Stations of the Ong |
Chapter 37 (Mirror) | 1851 | The Madness |
Scene 38 (Mirror) | 1971 | Rosetta, and cannonization of karhell as BlitzGirl the Next |
XXXIX (Mirror) | 2068 | The return of First Cleric, with enlightenment. |
Chapter 40 (Mirror) | 2117 | The canonization of macraw83 as BlitzGirl the Next, waveny becomes Big Banana of Code. First Cleric struggles to remember. |
Act 3 scene 12 (Mirror) | 2131 | The meaning of mustard |
Chapter 42 (Mirror) | 2173 | That empty feeling |
Scene 43 (Mirror) | 2226 | Beidah, jimbobmacdoodle and the Skycastle. First Cleric sets out. |
Chapter 44, verses 1 thru 25 (Mirror) | 2229 | The Prayer of Community, or the Sharing of the Ong |
Scene 45 (Mirror) | 2249 | The canonization of Beidah and jimbobmacdoodle, each as BlitzGirl the Primordial; hints of First Cleric's quest. |
Chapter 46 (Mirror) | 2279 | First Cleric meets Destiny |
XLVII (Mirror) | 2395 |
LEML |
Chapter 48 (Mirror) | 2439 | Confession |
Act 3 Scene 20 (Mirror)
RELATED illustration (Mirror) from this post by BlitzGirl (Mirror), following this post (Mirror). |
2455 | BlitzGirl at the Dawn of Time |
Scene 50 (Mirror) | 2466 | Enhance! |
Act 3 Scene 22 (Mirror) | 2471 | Trance |
Chapter 52 (Mirror) | 2475 | The author of the scroll of the mystery ONGs |
Scene 53 (Mirror) | 2478 | The canonization of Ember and and Gingercat, each as BlitzGirl the Next; mscha and newpixbot, each as Holy Croce; ggh as Agatha the Awesomeful; and the Other True Authors: Latent22, waveny, SilentTimer, and taixzo, and the Other Related Authors: azule, balthasar_s, Kieryn, and mrob27, all each as Bringer of the Light. |
Chapter 54 (Mirror) | 2513 | addams |
Chapter 55, verses 1-63 (Mirror) | 2525 |
The cannonization of Rakhal as BlitzGirl the Next. |
Chapter 56 (Mirror) | 2549 | Lunch |
Act 3 Scene 28 (Mirror) | 2585 |
The Cauldron |
Chapter 58 (Mirror) | 2618 |
Randall's Eye |
Chapter 59 verses 1-46 (Mirror) | 2621 |
It was not always so. |
Scene 60 (Mirror) | 2638 |
The Icons of Advent |
Chapter 61 (Mirror) | 2646 | Bringing down the tablet from the cliffs |
Scene 62 (Mirror) | 2650 | Ahoy there! |
Chapter 63 (Mirror) | 2657 | The canonization of Sustainablizer as BlitzGirl the Next |
14 Tribulation, 10 AT | 71 on the Mustardtime Otherthread (which shares a host with the mirror) | A tribute to Mrs. Pope |