Acts of the Clerics

Acts of the Clerics

One of the Holy Books, this is a True History of the Order of the Holy Contradiction (or at least the parts that we decided to keep), according to ucim of xkcd, the Pope of the Order of the Holy Contradiction.

SPECIAL NOTE TO TIME TRAVELLERS: The link targets are on the One True Thread, and thus may lead you to spoilers if you have not yet reached that NewPage.  The NP of the post is noted in the table for your safety.  Those NP numbers may not be stable, as posts can get deleted and firstposts can get unhidden, changing the (forum) page layout, but they should be within +/- 1 NP, which is close enough.

SPECIAL NOTE TO THOSE FROM THE OUTSIDE: These Sacred Texts are meant to be read in the context of the One True Thread and the One True Comic, without which they will make little sense.  At the very least, you should follow along with one of the Holy Gospels to provide context and allow enlightenment to dawn.  And of course, always remember the First Commandment: "Wait for it".

Link to chapter	NP of chapter	Chapter title
Prologue the First	454	The newly created Pope of the Order of the Holy Contradiction grants BlitzGirl a private audience, blessing her as BlitzGirl the First, and consecrating her Gospel.
Prologue the Next: BlitzGirl's wisdom	454	BlitzGirl's words of wisdom to the Pope; words that should be remembered for all Time, and for all of time.
All the following chapters		This link should return all of the following chapters as one xkcd search result.  The Prologue and BlitzGirl's wisdom, above, will need to be retrieved separately. Illustrations (such as those for Act 3) will also need to be retrieved separately.
Act 1 scene 1	539	The First BlitzGirl the Next ceremony, celebrating Selcouth and PhoenixRising.
Scene 2	600	Flado becomes the next BlitzGirl the Next. The first cleric receives enlightenment.
Chapter 3	609	The first cleric becomes First Cleric
Act 1, scene 4	626	The Crisis of Vytron, and the Pilgrim Service
Scene 5	643	Lost: edfel becomes the Holy Catographer
Chapter 6	672	The Unthinkable
Scene 7	699	Signpost
Chapter 8	751	Vytron's cannonization as a BlitzGirl the Next
Act 1, scene 9	762	The First Cleric attempts a canonization
Chapter 10	782	The Pope and second scribe return to the Castle.
Scene 11	805	The BlitzRocket
Act 1, scene 12	862	The arrival of taixzo, the Pope meets CasCat.  (Note - also includes the last part of Act 1, scene 11)
Chapter 13	902	The cannonization of CasCat and taixzo, each as BlitzGirl the Next, and also each as BlitzGirl the Fast.  The red button.
Scene 14	966	The Pope and the BlitzRocket controls.  Attack of the keyboards.
Act 1, scene 15	1017	BlitzGirl and the Knights Temporal prepare for war.  Song: Onward!
Scene 16	1063	Rescuing the Pope from the BlitzRocket
Chapter 17	1089	The long night.  The end of innocence.
Scene 18	1135	The cannonization of tman2nd as BlitzGirl the Next, remembering Neil_Boekend
Act 2, scene 1	1195	Run!
Scene 20	1292	Holy Moly Water!
Chapter 21	1315	Splashdown
Scene 22	1332	Rescue
XXIII	1346	Convoy of the clerecy and the foreign couple.
Act 2, scene 6	1366	Reunion, and the cannonization of thirds as BlitzGirl the Next
Chapter 25	1387	The Holy Arrow of Armageddon
Scene 26 RELATED Illustration by BlitzGirl in this post RELATED illustration,  by mrob27, in this post from NP 1804 (spoiler-free for NP1426 or later).	1411	A Great Miracle Occurred Here
Transcript # 27	1449	The Consecration of the new Holy Grounds of the Church
Chapter 28	1483	Born again
Act 2, scene 11	1500	Dawn of a New Age: welcome of the Raft People, cannonization of TheMinim as BlitzGirl the Next and of RobIrr as BlitzGirl the Primordial, yappobiscuts becomes the Mighty Troubadour.
Act 3, scene 1 illustrated by the Hot Diggety himself	1573	Building the cathedral: Eternal Density becomes Hot Diggety
Chapter 31	1631	Recovering the Holy Arrow, 503
Chapter 32	1675	The Outside
Scene 33	1700	The rescue of First Cleric, and the Canonization of MistyCat as BlitzGirl the Next
Act 3, scene 5 illustrated here and also here by balthasar_s	1714	The Holy Expedition of balthasar_s
Scene 35 Illustrated here (in this post), here, in this post , and here in this post (all by balthasar_s)	1791	The phone call
Chapter 36	1824	The Stations of the Ong
Chapter 37	1851	The Madness
Scene 38	1971	Rosetta, and cannonization of karhell as BlitzGirl the Next
XXXIX	2068	The return of First Cleric, with enlightenment.
Chapter 40	2117	The canonization of macraw83 as BlitzGirl the Next, waveny becomes Big Banana of Code.  First Cleric struggles to remember.
Act 3 scene 12	2131	The meaning of mustard.