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Congregatio pro Doctrina Temporis

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The Congregatio pro Doctrina Temporis (CDT, Congregation for the Doctrine of Time) is appointed to take care of the formalisation of the Doctrine of the Timewaiters. Specifically, it proclaims (after long meditations, i.e. watching the One True Comic) the True Faith and the way it should be spread.

StoryEdit

The CDT was created by udscbt to solve the faith problem caused by the distorsion of outsider time.[1]

After a post by Cardinal KarMann, the CDT restarted publishing the True Faith.[2]

MembersEdit

  • udscbt (Prefect)
  • Bigcrag92 (secretary)

Other seats are available for worthy Timewaiters.

Public announcesEdit

Definition of TimeFramesEdit

“The GONG used to measure TimeFrames is actually the Ancestral GONG. The Ancestral GONG gongs just in time to allow the listener to see the frame change live, not before, not after.” — udscbt[3]

“The Ancestral GONG is always perfect, but the Web-based GONG (http://www.webcountdown.de/?a=gxMXfoy) is only an imperfect representation of it in the Outside, so it is now out of sync with the Ancestral one. The Web-based GONG it is only an "image" of the Ancestral GONG and can be used by the inexperienced Timewaiters to help themselves measure the TimeFrames (in the waiting of the True Hearing and the capability of listening to the Ancestral GONG directly), but it is not a real reference.” — udscbt[4]

Papal infallibilityEdit

“The Congregatio pro Doctrina Temporis unanimously (1/1) declares the Papal infallibility when he starts a sentence with "Simon says".” — udscbt[5]

Faith FAQEdit

Faith FAQ! Q: What was before Time?
A: Nothing was before Time. Time always was and always will be.

Q: Who or what created Time?
A: Time itself created itself. The name we give to the Creator aspect of Time is Lord Randall.

Q: How do Time affect our lives?
A: Time decided to reveal itself through the One True Comic, created by Lord Randall. The One True Comic always was and it is Time, and as Time it must be worshipped. The One True Comic is both in Newpixia and in the Outside, to help the ones deceived by the hat.

Q: If Time always existed, why do I remember things before it?
A: In Truth, what you remember is only an illusion. After the creation of Time, Lord Randall created the hat as his servant. But the hat became envious of the power reserved to the One True Comic and declared war to it. Time banished the hat from Newpixia and it is now doomed to live in the Outside where he tries to deceive the faithfuls. Disclaimer: not all hats are evil

Q: How do you protect yourself from the hat?
A: You have to burn it and after that purify yourself by drinking blessed baby-free semenated coffe. Beware, because even the strongest can be tricked by the hat (e.g. our Arch-Cardinal)

Q: What are Newpixia and the Outside?
A: Newpixia is the place where Time resides, we all belong to Newpixia but we have to remain in the Outside until the hat won't be destroyed.

Q: What is a Frame?
A: A Frame is a Revelation from Time through the One True Comic. Lord Randall draws every Frame for us to venerate. If you miss a Frame, you have to look it from a holy archive as soon as possible.

Q: How do I know when a Frame will come?
A: Time created the Ancestral DONG to warn us of and incoming Revelation, but the screams of the hat can cover its holy sound. Only the most faithful can hear it over the hat's lament. If you're not yet ready to listen directly to the Ancestral DONG, two Web-based DONG have been created: http://www.webcountdown.de/?a=gxMXfoy and http://www.webcountdown.net/?a=v2WZqAO&k=H68Q; beware, in its gigantic evilness the hat has sped up the outsider "time", making the first Web-based DONG useless.

Q: How should I worship Time?
A: Avoid sleep because you will miss Frames, coma instead. Reject the Outside, because it is the Reign of the hat. Drink coffee everyday, but don't add babies to it; if you want, you can drink it with semen, but only of virgins. Don't assume that the Timewaiter you're talking about is a male, use a gender-neutral pronoun instead; you shouldn't assume anything actually. And most of all, "Wait for it.".

Q: How can I learn more about the Timewaiters?
A: The Holy Scriptures will help you. Note: the Holy Scriptures are shared with other religions, some of which are heretic.

Q: ???
A: !!!

Q: Can you prove all these things?
A: Of course I can, it's a shame you will be burned as a heretic before you can hear the answer.

Q: Who gives you all this authority?
A: Burn the heretic!

Q: I think that...
A: Heretic! Heretic! Heretic!” — udscbt[6]

References Edit

  1. http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=101043&p=3312746#p3312746
  2. http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=101043&p=3317171#p3317171
  3. http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=101043&p=3312746#p3312746
  4. http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=101043&p=3312780#p3312780
  5. http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=101043&p=3317148#p3317148
  6. http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=101043&p=3317267#p3317267

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